The Beer Bitch

I drink beer. I am a bitch.

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The view from our porch

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This is what the world looks like from our front porch at sunset.

I’m just playing with the camera, so forgive the random posting. IMG_0052.JPG

Written by thebeerbitch

July 4, 2009 at 12:07 am

Posted in Drunken ramblings

Playing Catch Up

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Um… hi.

Uh… sorry I haven’t written lately.  I noticed that you never call or write either though.

Whatevs.  I guess it doesn’t matter who’s to blame, let’s just catch up on what’s been going on lately.

It’s been frakking hot here lately.  It’s hard to cook when it’s 111 F outside.  It makes me want to shove the kegerator down the creepy stairs of the creepy basement, and make friends with the spiders.

Speaking of the creepy basement, I took a picture for you.

It’s scary down there, but cool.  Which makes it a good place to store my fermenting pickles and kimchi.

I can’t wait to try the kimchi.  Firstly, because kimchi is delicious.  Secondly, because I sorta made up the recipe as I went along, which could be especially distastrous.  I’ll give you the deets if things work out.  It should be ready to eat tomorrow.  (My lack of being able to follow recipe instructions is 100% of the reason I am a terrible baker.  I have switched to using a scale to weigh my dry ingredients, which has helped some.)

For dinner, we’ve had some roasted broccoflower (which I’m assuming was brocolli romanesco, but Trader Joe’s had the packaging all weird.)

Garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper.  Cook ’til done at 450 F.  Should take about 30-40 minutes.  Those brown, seared bits are the best part.

We also made some spaghetti one night when I got home late.  Let me give you the recipe:

Marcella Hazan’s Tomato Sauce

One can of San Marzano tomotoes smooshed up with your hands (WASH YOUR HANDS FIRST)

One onion cut in half, remove the skin

5 ounces of butter

Salt to taste

Simmer 45 minutes over medium low heat; which is about as long as it takes to boil the water for the noodles.   Throw out the onion.  Toss a pound of cooked spaghetti in the sauce.

I kid you not, this sauce will blow your mind.  SO SIMPLE.  SO GOOD.  Make this as soon as possible.  And whatever you do, don’t fuck around with it and use olive oil instead of butter, or add garlic and other spices.  Make it just the way I said to.  You’ll be happy you followed instructions when you’re licking the bottom of the plate to get up every last tasty bit of buttery, oniony, savory sauce.  Also, the onion doesn’t taste very good, so don’t be tempted to chop it up and mix it into the sauce.  I’m only warming you because I have made all these mistakes myself already, and regretted every one.

Serve with with arugula salad with onions, ricotta salata, lemon juice, and good olive oil. 

There were some other meals, some were repeats and not worth mentioning, but I might save some for later.  You see, last night, while I was chopping up some toppings for another pizza I sliced straight through the top of my finger, through the nail, and I’m assuming right into the bone.  So, I have a mighty pain today, and Sean is laughing at me as I type away at my little laptop with my index finger sticking straight up in the air.

So, I may not be doing any cooking for a few days.  But, that’s not the say that Sean won’t be cooking, because we are cheap, and reclusive, and rarely eat out because it’s so much cheaper and easier to cook at home.  Also, we have beer here, and are finding it harder and harder to come up with reasons to go anywhwere but the Farmer’s Market, Trader Joe’s and the Firestone Walker for kegs.

Speaking of which, a beer might ease this pain in my throbbing, still bleeding little finger.

I’m gonna go have a beer and some pain killers.

We’ll have to talk about you next time.


The Beer Bitch

Written by thebeerbitch

July 11, 2008 at 8:25 pm

Pizza and wasting beer

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I’ve been a little obsessed with pizza lately, but it’s been really hot here.  Like 111 degrees F hot for a few days, and it is hard to get motivated to cook on days that hot.  I will note though: a cold beer sure is delicious when it’s hot oustide.

So, Sunday was the first day we’ve really cooked in a while.  Unforutanately, I had to work, so Sean said he would throw together the pizza dough for me.  Also unfortunately, one of my coworkers recommended using porter in the pizza dough instead of water.  Luckily for us, Sean made the dough as I suggested and made a second dough with porter.  Because the dough with the porter: EPIC FAIL.  What a waste of good beer!

To make a long story short, when I got home form work on Sunday at about 8:00, we lit the barbecue to grill our pizzas.  There was enough dough for 4 pizzas, so I started with one half of the original recipe, and one half of the one with the porter, and dumped the other two halves in the fridge for a later date.

The first pizza spent two minutes on the barbecue before catching on fire.  I hear about people grilling pizzas all the time, but we have already burnt two pizzas on our grill.  I’m starting to think this “grilling pizzas” thing is some sort of “urban legend.”

So, pizza number two, was an attempt with the porter.  The dough was flat, dense, and would not stretch.  I struggled with it for a few minutes, and then threw it, and it’s ugly twin sister, in the trash.

At this point I turned on the oven, which I should have done in the first place, but was loath to do so because of the oppressive heat.  Lucky for me it wasn’t such a factor at 10 at night.  When we finally did eat, at close to 11, the pizza was delicious.  I just think that from now on I might stick to recipes from reliable sources, and not some dude who’s diet consists mainly of beer. *

The toppings included: mozzarella, red onion, red bell pepper, brown mushrooms, salami, spicy soppresetta, and that old tomato sauce that is so simple and sooooooo good.

In the end I sprinkled the fourth pizza with fresh parmigiano reggiano, and served it with a little arugula salad, with sliced onions, lemon juice, olive oil, salt and pepper, and ricotta salata.  And, a tasty glass of Walker’s Reserve, the aforementioned porter.  It was delicious.

And all was good in the world again.

* I am a huge advocate of beer, and food, but not people who don’t really eat any food and just replace those missing calories with beer.  I’m just sayin’.

Written by thebeerbitch

June 25, 2008 at 2:20 am

Catch Up

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Hi everyone!  Sorry I’ve been MIA for so long.  Working is hard!!

Let’s get down to business.  When we last talked we I was running an experiment here at Casa de Crazy with HAM, to see if I could kill Sean.  Good news: Sean is fine.  Bad news: Ham is delicious, and now we have another item of porky badness to add to our mostly pork arsenal.

First I used the leftover roasted pork to make tacos. It looked like this, and it was amazing:

Onions, meat, cheese, and leftover salsa from a few posts back.  Yum.

Served with a cold, hoppy Union Jack.

Poor Sean.  On top of my “allergy experiments” he lives with this.

I swear that during the day this was a cute outfit of black slouchy boots, black leggings, and a dress, but then I got home, and took off the boots, and put on ugly slippers over my ugly socks.  Even Ginger looks embarassed.

The next morning we had ham fried rice with a fried egg on top.  We cut some chard from the garden and used green onions and a dash of oyster sauce, soy sauce, and fish sauce. It was way better than the Spam fried rice I made a while back.

The next dish: warm lentil salad with celery, carrots, onion, garlic, parsley, bay leaf, thyme, and a vinagrette… oh and HAM!  Served with roasted cauliflower.

Not a beautiful picture, but my belly was appreciative.

Since Sean was still not dead, I also made split pea soup with the ham bone.  We drizzled some Pasolivo California olive oil over the top, and it was warm and satisfying.

Sean didn’t get a single hive, and I still have more ham left in the freezer!  I’m pretty stoked to find out that Sean’s allergy was probably due to some overprocessed ham he’d had in the past, because everything we had was awesome.

Ham! Fuck yeah!!

After “Hamfest 2008” I made a potato pizza, served with a nice Firestone Pale Ale.  Sean thought it might be too carby, but it was pretty good with olive oil and rosemary.

Serve with arugula salad with shaved onions, lemon juice, olive oil, salt and pepper.

In other news:

Soon we’re going to have tomatoes from our own garden.

And the hollyhock is doing a good job of looking pretty and keeping bugs off the important plants.

Sean, being the saint that he is, got me a bell to go on my bike.  He is SOOOOOOOOO much nicer than I am (and never tries to kill me.)

Lucky me.

That’s a pretty swanky bike, huh?  She just needs a name now.

I’m sure you’re all bored with me, and I have some beers to drink, and then throw on the lawn (this is one of my favorite things to do when I’m home at my parents:  Throw beers on the lawn to watch my dad come outside and yell “Goddamn Kids!”  while I giggle from the porch.  He gets so mad so easily, and I am so easily entertained.)

Happy Friday everyone!  And remember: Don’t be a queer, have a beer!

Written by thebeerbitch

June 14, 2008 at 12:14 am

Two of my favorite things

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Written by thebeerbitch

June 10, 2008 at 12:02 am


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I’m still waiting for our ham to cook, because obviously we had to buy a REALLY big one.  That’s just the way we roll, but luckily I had the foresight to buy some chiles and make this guajillo salsa. It’s pretty damn tasty with tortilla chips, especially when you’re starving, and the fucking ham isn’t done yet.

Note:  You might need a few cold beers with this one.  It’s delicious, but it’ll make you sweat.

Written by thebeerbitch

May 23, 2008 at 2:15 am

Posted in Drunken ramblings, Obsessions

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Birthday Weekends are the Shit!

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Sorry I haven’t been around to write the last couple of days. It’s been sort of crazy around here, but crazy in the best possible way.

First, I got a new job. I wasn’t really stoked about it, and I was supposed to start on my birthday (Saturday,) but then something amazing happened.

I got another job at my favorite place on earth! So, instead of starting at my first new job, I quit on my birthday, and am starting tomorrow at my second new job at my favorite place on earth. Needless to say, I am super excited!

Friday night I wanted something unspicy, since we had been eating chile verde leftovers all week, and our stomachs needed a break (if you know what I mean.) So we made pizza dough, and topped it with caramelized onions, leeks, and mushrooms, and a mix of ricotta and goat cheese.

I think it was missing something, and next time I’ll add a sauce of some sort, maybe pesto.

PizzaPizza again

The crust on that pizza was a little retarded, but it doesn’t really matter. We made a second pizza, and there are still leftovers in the fridge. That one was prettier, but I didn’t take any pictures. I must have been drunk

Saturday, Sean had plans to surprise me with a birthday lunch of hot dogs, but since I had the day off we went to Taco Temple instead. It was amazing (as always) but I forgot my camera, so there are no pictures of the calamari and halibut tacos. If you’ve never been to the Taco Temple you need to drag your scrawny butt there, and bring your appetite. It’s incredible. Huge pieces of grilled halibut, on a bed of greens, not even pretending to be a “taco” until you get to the very bottom of the plate, and notice that there are two smallish corn tortillas at the bottom. It’s really good.

After that we went to the brewery, or as I like to call it “my favorite place earth,” for a birthday beer or three.

Then home for burgers. I know. I’m a low-fi kinda girl. It really doesn’t take much more than burgers and beers to make me happy on my birthday.

First we had another beer.


Or two.

And then we talked about opening some wine, which we somehow (wisely) decided would be a bad idea, but I think we may have had some in the fridge. (OK, we did have some leftover Fat Boy in the fridge that we drank.)

Linne Calodo

Sean told me I couldn’t tell you about this wine, because it’s our favorite wine in the world, and we don’t want you to buy it out from under us. It truly is amazing, and not to be wasted by drunken morons who have already had too much beer.

Don’t be like us.

Then we lit the fire, grilled some onions, cooked some bacon, fired some burgers, melted some cheese onto them, fried a few eggs, and sliced some pickles. It looked like this.

FireOnions.Raw burgers.Cheese.Pickles.Bacon in the sun.Eggs.

When you put it all together it looks like this:



Burger with cheese.

Burger with cheese.

Perfectly cooked soft centered egg.

(That picture just does not want to load, so you’re going to have to use your imagination.)

Onions on eggs.

Put some grilled onions on top of that egg.

Topped with bacon.

Put some bacon on top of those onions.


I also sliced up some half sour pickles, and put a little mustard on there, so the sourness would cut through all the richness of everything else. Then I smushed it all down so the egg would run all over.

It was a perfect birthday dinner with my super amazing boyfriend. I’m one lucky girl.

And, as always don’t forget the beer.

White beer.

We also had a pretty amazing day on Sunday.

Sean’s getting me a bike for my birthday (did I not tell you he’s the greatest guy EVAR?) So, we went bike shopping. I think I’ve decided on an Electra Amsterdam bike in black with eight speeds. It’s going to be bitching.

We really worked up a thirst shopping so we had to go to the brewery to rehydrate.

After that we decided to pretend we were in Long Beach at Joe Jost’s for the weekend, and we picked up a case of Pabst Blue Ribbons, and the makings for a “special.”

Joe Jost’s sells a “special” which is basicallly a hot dog on a piece of rye, with mustard, jack cheese and a pickle, served with spicy pickled eggs and pretzels. I had made a loaf of rye bread, but the butcher wasn’t open, so we had to resort to brats, but we had pickled eggs from Joe Jost’s in the fridge and pretzels to go on the side.

The bread wasn’t as tasty as I thought it could have been. It needed more rye flour, but it was still pretty good, and almost like being at the bar thanks to the cold PBRs.

The Special.Paint your nails!The pickle fell off.

We also added some grilled onions and garlic, because we could. The Joe Jost police weren’t there to tell us not to.

Overall, it was a fantastic weekend, even though my best friend flaked on dinner last night, and I was pissed, but that’s sort of just the way she is. Whatever, Sean and the dogs and I had a great time, and 29 doesn’t seem so bad so far.

Written by thebeerbitch

May 12, 2008 at 6:43 pm